i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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