I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
