if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
