i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
