I want to have your abortion
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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