Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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