You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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