You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
