Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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