Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
