She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
