All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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