Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
