Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
