What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
