He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
