I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
