I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
