White coat. Heels.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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