Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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