i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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