walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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