i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
