i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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