either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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