dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
