We named our party play list daddy issues
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
