hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
