I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
