I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The adults are the big ones right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
