there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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