Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
