I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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