i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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