rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
