dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
