i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
