pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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