Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
