Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
