Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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