Cold hands, warm shart.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
