just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
