the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
