i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
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She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize