The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
