this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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