If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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