I want to have your abortion
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
