considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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