either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
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I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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