I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
