Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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