...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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