I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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