You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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