Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Randomize
