I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
