A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
