I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
