he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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