Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
